I just wanted to write to explain, in case anyone is interested, that I’ve left Twitter. This may not be permanent, but it isn’t good for my mental health just now.
I wanted to find all the friends that you all did in the autistic community, but I didn’t. All I found is that I don’t fit in here either.
I’m not cool. I’m not even nerdy cool. I don’t have any cool special interests. (I’ve been really struggling with burn out for a good few years, so I don’t really have any special interests at present because nothing really engages me.) Even when I had special interests, they weren’t cool ones, they were boring ones. I liked sustainable building, playing the clarinet and mountain climbing. Not a particularly inspiring set of interests, and certainly nothing that anyone else wanted to hear about.
I’ve also been really struggling with nothing I do or say being right. I work in the construction industry and, as a woman(ish) person in that industry, a LOT of what I say/do gets questioned and denied on a daily basis. It is tiring and demoralising, but I choose to continue because I love the actual content of my job and my work colleagues (who are excellent).
Recently, actually for a little while now, I have found that my every Twitter comment (apart from my dog pics) has been met with a similar denial. I cannot seem to post anything, no matter how I qualify it as my own personal experience, without similar denials. Given this is my experience on a daily basis, I find my tolerance for it on Twitter has worn thin, leading to shorter and shorter replies from myself.
I could probably have cultivated my contacts to deal with it, but I am not very good at judging who is a positive influence and who is not. So here I am, in true autistic style, throwing the (possible) baby out with the bath water.
Ultimately, I am lonely, and I have been for a while now. I do want friends, but I’m not sure how to go about getting them. There were people on Twitter (and on here) who I wanted to get to know better, but I don’t know how to start that.
And lastly, I feel like I need to apologise. I’m sorry for being short and impatient.
That is all.