I can’t believe it’s been over a year since I last blogged. (Tries not to apologise…)
It’s been a strange year, full of frustrations and disappointments. I don’t remember a lot of it. I don’t remember a lot these days – but that is a story for another time.
I’m taking a break from work at the moment – a sort of sabbatical, if you will. I wanted to step back and get some clarity on my life to decide if my job is what I want to keep spending most of my energy on. I’m about a week into my break and it’s not turning out quite as I expected…
I don’t feel more relaxed, yet. I am waiting for the excitement of the break to hit me, but it hasn’t yet. I’m just spending a lot of time feeling guilty for how I am spending my time – reading, watching TV, gardening – and not really enjoying any of it.
I miss work. I feel rudderless without it. I find I spend a lot of time hiding from this feeling, drowning myself in the lives of others to avoid the fact that my life seems a little bit pointless.
I feel apart from the world, missing passage of time and seasons. Every day is the same, and is meaningless.
I am afraid to look closely on the things that used to give my life meaning – namely Christianity – because I don’t know how that interweaves with my (stilll relatively) new disabled existence. I know this is possible, but I feel it will take a lot of deconstructing of my faith in order that I can reconcile it with my new reality. That sounds like a lot of effort that I am not sure I am ready for.
All that said, I am not going to rush back to work. I am looking forward to seeing how my feelings and thoughts develop over this period of reflection. I am sure they will… I hope they will…
A Little Off the Mark 
Just be kind to yourself, whatever you do. I’m at a bit of a crossroads myself. Hopefully we both find answers soon, and rest assured we’re here for you whenever and will always be glad to see you, whenever you drop into the blogosphere.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi – good to hear from you again. I hope you have a good sabbatical.
In my last year I’ve written a book called “The Art of the Mentally Healthy Conversation” – it relates my own experience and the experience of people I’ve coached over the years. The aim of the book is to help people have more effective conversations about their wellbeing & resilience.
I’ve shared the book with people in my various online and real-world networks since the book was published a few weeks ago.
In this launch stage I’m keen to learn what people think about the book and get some honest reviews for the listings on Amazon, Apple and my own website at evenhood.org/book.
If you’d like to spend a bit of your sabbatical reading and providing an honest review, I’ll happily let you have a complimentary copy.
Let me know if you’re interested.
I wish you well – Jonathan
LikeLiked by 1 person