Such devoted sisters…

My sister is so very neurotypical. I'm not sure we'll ever be close. I used to think we were but since my diagnosis I am beginning to see just how distant we actually are from each other.

There is so much to say about that relationship but I can't find the words right now. I feel like such a failure in her eyes. I know she is constantly keeping watch to see if I slip up. She's constantly on guard in case I do or say anything 'weird', but I don't understand all the nuances to her rules. I cannot speak my mind around her, because I know she does not want that. I honestly don't know whether she wants to know the real me at all.

One thought on “Such devoted sisters…

  1. Oh goodness this hits so close to home.

    I’m the oldest sibling of three (1 boy, 2 girls). Both of my younger sisters (or, more accurately, half-sisters; I don’t have a full sibling) are neurotypical. My youngest (same mom) and I have a great relationship. My middle sister (same biological father) and I? Our relationship is non-existent. She doesn’t even want anything to do with me because she can’t accept me at my face value. We haven’t talked in almost 10 years and it hurts me.

    What can you do though? I try not to dwell on it but it still hurts. I feel like that entire side of my biological family is dead because they don’t talk to me.

    Liked by 2 people

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