It is true what everyone says, diagnosis is just the beginning of the journey. I ran head first into the ‘THIS-IS-AMAZING-this-will-solve-all-my-problems’ camp but now the party there has died.
My current state is a bit hard to define. I guess it would be disappointment, with a good dosing of anger and frustration that people haven’t acted the way I hoped they would. And grief. That may sound odd, but being diagnosed with autism has been the death of the dream that life would eventually ‘click’ for me and it would become easy for me to fit in. It was a dream that I would grow out of the meltdowns, that I would come to enjoy large social gatherings, that depression would up and leave for good, essentially that I would become someone else. But I learn I am stuck with me.
I am hoping the next stage on my diagnosis journey is a real acceptance of my weaknesses and a better appreciation of my strengths. I really want to be able to make mistakes and forgive myself for them. I hope this is possible.